You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize