Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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