One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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