I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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