apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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