Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
