Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
