don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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