He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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