HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
