During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
