Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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