im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
