Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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