I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
