I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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