That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
