That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
