ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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