yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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