I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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