I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
