are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
