i don't plan on having that self control this summer
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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