i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
