hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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