Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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