Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
