distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize