Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So gin and wine won't be happening again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
