just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The struggles of a small town man whore
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
