is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
