i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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