we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize