Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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