I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
