I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
