I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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