shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wear drunk well.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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