so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
