The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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