This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
