What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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