I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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