you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I looked at my own cervix.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
