return my video game
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
