even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
