If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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