Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
