i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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