I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
