The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
