my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
