There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
