why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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