hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
