he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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