isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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