My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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