I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
