The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize