Will you blow on my dice?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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