So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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